Día Número 37

YAY!!! YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I LOVE SEEING YOU TANNED AND IN A SPANISH CAFE AT THE END OF THE CAMINO!!!!!! (un cafe con leche por favor)

I'm so happy for you, bud! I hope you aren't too tired to enjoy the rest of your trip! Today, I hiked all of Gooseberry Falls, which is a state park near Duluth, with Anna, and, as the name would indicate, there are a very large set of waterfalls there, meaning a lot of walking uphill. After soccer and basketball yesterday, my calves are shot, and I feel like I'm getting a small taste of what you feel! However, if we are being realistic, the worst of it is in my hamstrings, which haven't been asked to exercise this much in years! Here I am, though, working out with Anna everyday, usually for an hour or more of basketball, soccer, frisbee, or biking.

Tonight, though, the real magic gets started with Messi and his Argentinian team taking on the USA for a spot in the finals of the Copa America! The odds heavily favor Argentina, but the Cup has shown the USA to have a formidable defense, and in theory, we could hold Argentina back for an exciting game. Anna, Mom, and I (and maybe Sarah) will head over to Old Chicago to watch at 8pm, so I'm jumping in the bathtub now (7pm) to wash away the mud stains. (I wiped out hard at Gooseberry and Anna got it on video!)

By the way, I have faithfully executed all of the card and plant-giving (minus the one still coming up), so you can rest assured that all of your professors and friends now of your love even while you are walking.

Finally, I had intended to take a picture of my armpit hair to celebrate your accomplishment, but alas, my blonde underarms are barely visible. Instead, I think I'll bring to the forefront an oldie-but-goodie! :)

Hahaha! Just think about how angry those ferrets must have been!!! I love you!!

Ponder love today!

Día Número 36

So, I'll admit it. I have no idea whether you finished the Camino yesterday or today or tomorrow, because I was very confused by your snapchats and their timestamps. At one point, you said 2.5 more days, but I opened it the next day, and I have no idea whether that was sent at night or in the afternoon or in the morning, so I am just assuming it's today-ish. I was hoping for a confirmation-of-arrival snapchat to let me know that you made it Santiago, but wifi is hard to come by, and I imagine finishing the Camino earns you a couple tech-free days. :)

Anyways, CONGRATULATIONS!!! Tonight, I'm wearing my retainer in celebration of your success, and I've grown out my armpit hair in solidarity! What a magical occasion! You just walked 500 miles, and (even better), you did it with Jesus! Here are some pictures of Him to add a spiritual element to a physical accomplishment:

Praise God in His goodness. Praise God in His meekness. Praise God, Lover of pilgrims. Praise God in Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. Alleluia. 

Ponder love today.

Día Número 35

WOW! You are SO close!! In my head, I'm singing "HERE WE GOOOOOO"

You are almost to Santiago and almost to Rome and almost done with your European romp! Keep walking, but also soak in the last drops of being on the Camino. Soon, change is coming and you'll be back here getting ready for NET. Before that, though, you'll get to see this gem:

And then, the even bigger magic:

One of my favorite parts is that on the floor, they mark the size of the other major churches in the world, so as you approach the altar, you'll see a line entitled "La Giralda" and "Santiago de Compostela" that indicate how much smaller their area is. St. Peter's Basilica is actually massive (the biggest in the world), but it's designed to not look too overwhelming, so it's built to look smaller than it is. My iconic Rome moment is the first time I stood in that square at nighttime. They light it up and seagulls are circling around the top of the church, as if to remind you that "the world's thy ship, not thy home" - St. Therese. Our chaplain walked us into the square, pointed to the obelisk and said that that pillar-looking thing is probably the last thing St. Peter saw before he saw the Lord. It was sitting just in front of his upside down crucifixion. Then, he walked us over to the spot, marked with a plaque, where JPII was shot, and pointed up to an image of Mary. JPII had it put in so that if anyone ever got shot there again, they would see Mary looking down at them and hope. Then, when you look up, you see statues of hundreds of saints looking down at you from the colonnade arms, which open to embrace pilgrims into the square. Fr. Justin reminded us how many holy people throughout history had walked into that square and stood exactly where we were standing, and now it was our turn. Now, we were the holy potential, and one day, when someone is writing the biography of our saintly lives, they'll mention that moment when we walked into St. Peter's and stood in the heart of the church. 

There's so many more things I could say, but I want you to experience it for yourself. I can't wait to hear what you think. Wow. How many incredible things you are going to see in the next couple days. I hope that they are exactly what you need, and exactly what He wants for you. I'm praying, and I love you.

Ponder love today.

Día Número 34

AKA 1.5 days away from Santiago!!!

WOW! I am so proud of you!! I hope in these final moments you are taking time to sing this magical song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84CPo4bVkMk

If it doesn't load, it's 500 miles :)

So, since I've made it this far with sub-par "day summaries" and the occasional photo, I figure that I should take a moment to write something more substantial and reflective. Before I get carried away or confused by the flow of my thoughts, let me reiterate how much I am praying for you, and how excited I am for you to be on the Camino, and how glad I am that you are coming home soon!

This summer, it's been a time of rebuilding the "normal" for me. After years of chaos, Jesus is offering me these months to establish once again a routine and a prayer life and a "usual." Granted, I've never been one to stick too much to a routine, but what a gift it is to have this summer to relearn how to love Jesus (through prayer, with my family, and in the poor). And what a substantial time it is to discover what sort of story I'm going to tell. I realized, much to my surprise the other day, that having come out of these past years intact, I am no longer afraid of them. Should I have to go through them again for a longer period of time, or at a greater intensity, I feel confident that I could do it, that it wouldn't be too much, that I could say yes to Jesus in that way. Certainly, I don't wish for that, but it's significant that the thought isn't traumatizing.

Now, though, I've been using the tagline of "having a rough couple years" to answer "how have you been" for a while, but I don't think that answer will hold true for much longer. I'm stepping into a very different time of life, with an entirely new environment and community and mission. In a lot of ways, I'm being remade. The habits of cynicism and resentment have bored pretty deeply into my psyche, so the change is slow and the work really isn't mine, but it's happening.

For example, today, I wasn't paying attention in the line at Qdoba and I butt-dialed Kelly. I hung up as quickly as I could, but she called back to ask what I wanted. Since I didn't answer, she left a message, which marks the first time in ten months (though it feels more like years) that her voice has been directed at me. I could feel the fear rising in my chest, but I also felt the need to handle it maturely and calmly, since I had boasted to Meg just last night that I could handle a face-to-face conversation if necessary. So I texted back explaining the buttdial, making sure my words weren't too much or too little, and opening the door to communication that I've been avoiding for over a year. Her response of "k" ended the conversation, but I kept my head for the whole exchange, actively considering her perspective and how best to respond kindly but not invitingly. In other words, I made it out of survival mode into empathy, and now, I've gained my footing enough that I would be able to do it again with composure.

Afterwards, I took the time to reach out to a lot of people that I had been avoiding so far in Duluth. Some, I know, will bring up Kelly, and others won't understand how much I've changed in the past years, and most will be people that I gradually fall out of contact with, but I've made a step away from being guarded and self-protective in this time of transition into being open, inviting, and generous. I'm taking time to talk to people who I could have easily ignored not because it will be helpful for me or significant to them, but because they're people, and I'd like to see them.

With all that, then, I'm looking ahead to Denver. I still have no clue where I'll live, and what my time there will be like. I was talking to Amy Johnson the other day, and she mentioned how rare it was that God pushed us out into something entirely new, and yet here I am being pushed. At a time when I've just withstood an attack that expended most of my resources, and when it would seem most logical to fall back and re-fortify what is left of my base, I'm being called out into an entirely different field. In a lot of ways, I love it, but I'm also nervous. I'm just barely walking again, but I'm headed back into the game.

In Spanish, the word for trust is "confianza." Somehow, it sounds much more compelling in Spanish, because it's the same word as "confidence," and it has more weight and warmth in your mouth. It's been the call in my heart and the tug on my chest this month, and I feel like I'm stepping out into the meadow from the rugged grove, trusting in the light of the sun and the openness of the air. The grass is tall and the field is vulnerable, but the smell of warmth is dancing in front of me and the invitation to delight draws me forward. I'm coming, Jesus. Te confio.

Ponder love today.

Día Número 33

What a special day. Day 33 of not being in the USA. Stupendous. Since its a significant number, let me insert today the passage that I've been reading in Romans in lieu of a post.

"Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. For Christ, while we were still helpless, yet died at the appointed time for the ungodly. Indeed, only with difficulty does one die for a just person, though perhaps for a good person one might even find courage to die. But God proves His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:3-8

Ponder love today.

Día Número 32

Hey bud! Sorry I missed yesterday! We were out late watching the USA beat Ecuador in the Copa America! It will be the first time in 20 years that we have made it to the quarterfinals, but we now have to play the winner of the Argentina vs Venezuela game, with Argentina being the heavy favorite and Messi's team, and us without our best midfielder. Anna also had a soccer game that she tied, but they should have won. They had beaten this team earlier in the season, but their defense was off their game last night, and they let through a lot of balls that should have been stopped.

All in all, yesterday was a great day. After waking up, Anna and I went to volunteer at the Union Gospel Mission for lunch. I passed out ice cream and cake, and she passed out donuts. Then, I came home and walked the dog, who TRIPLE pooped on me. It was a disgustingly full bag, but I overcame that obstacle with skill and foresight, and then waltzed on up the street to Qdoba where I met Anne and Amy Johnson and we spent two hours chatting. Upon returning home, I dragged Anna out into the sunshine for a little bit while I read and she laid with her cat and a taco that I had brought her, before I left for mass. A young priest, ordained just last year, was saying mass as a visitor to the church, and his homily was memorable. He told us about a theory that the origin of the phrase "spitting image" (as in, he's the spitting image of his father) comes from a distortion of the older english phrase "spirit and image." Therefore, we, who are children of our Heavenly Father in a metaphysical reality (not just metaphorical), are called to be the spirit and image of our Father, making Him present both by appearance (image) and character (spirit). He asked us then to reflect on the ways that we both succeed and fail in living our lives according to the "spittin' image" of God.

After mass, I played basketball with my mom, and then went to the two soccer games (we watched USA vs Ecuador at BWWs). That long overview of my day hopefully makes up for its tardiness, but I am praying for you, and I'm so excited for you as the final days of walking approach. Keep it up! Soon, you'll be in the Eternal City. By the way, if you haven't planned for seeing the Pope yet, you can do so on Sundays. Assuming he's in the city, he gives a noon Angelus and address (in Italian) out of his apartment's window to the people in the square. On Wednesdays, he gives a full audience, meaning a longer talk and he shows up on a lower platform and drives through the crowd, but to see that you need a ticket. However, my group has found it effective to show up early (like 6 or 7am) and ask people at the gates if they have any extra tickets. Often, groups will round up the number they need and have a couple extra for their party. I got in to the Holy Thursday Chrism Mass that way. :)

Today, I'm writing early because I'm off to Lizzie Klaesges' bachelorette party after this, but I'll be back tomorrow. I love you lots, bud.

Ponder love today.

Día Número 31

Welp. Ute-Roy has arrived. Unfortunately, Burt-e-Roy is deceased, or we'd have a real party. In honor of the vicious cramps wrecking my body, I've put together a photo montage for your enjoyment, so that I can lay more and write less. However, please note that, though I'm physically disabled upon the arrival of the period, I am emotionally more lucid than I have been the past couple PMS-filled days.

Be encouraged. If nothing else, you have all the grace of my horrendous uterine pains coming your way. The roomies love you, too. 

Ponder love today.